Teaching Young Children the Importance of Sharing and Taking Turns: Building Patience, Cooperation, and Friendship
Have you ever watched two young children reach for the same toy at the same time? One child may hold on tightly, another may become upset, and a simple playtime activity can quickly turn into a disagreement. For parents and teachers, these moments can be challenging—but they are also valuable opportunities to teach important life skills.
Sharing and taking turns are essential parts of early childhood development. These skills help children learn patience, cooperation, empathy, communication, and respect for others. They also help children build friendships and participate more successfully in group activities.
However, sharing does not always come naturally to young children. During the early years, children are still learning to manage their emotions, understand other people's perspectives, and wait when they want something immediately. They need time, guidance, and repeated opportunities to practice.
At Tomlin Academy Early Childhood Center, we believe that every interaction can become a learning opportunity. By teaching children how to share, take turns, and communicate respectfully, parents and teachers can help build the foundation for healthy relationships and positive social development.
In this article, we will explore why sharing and taking turns matter, why young children sometimes struggle with these skills, and practical ways to encourage cooperation at home and in the classroom.
1. Why Are Sharing and Taking Turns Important?
Sharing and taking turns are more than simple classroom rules. They help children learn how to participate in a community, recognize other people's needs, and work toward positive outcomes together.
When children practice these skills, they develop abilities that support their social, emotional, and cognitive growth.
Sharing teaches consideration for others
Sharing helps children recognize that toys, materials, and activities can be enjoyed by more than one person. It encourages them to consider how their choices affect their friends.
Taking turns develops patience
Waiting for a turn can be difficult when a child is excited about a favorite toy or activity. With practice, children can learn to wait for short periods and manage their disappointment.
Cooperation strengthens friendships
Children who practice sharing and taking turns have more opportunities to participate in group play, build together, and enjoy activities with classmates.
Communication helps prevent conflicts
When children learn to ask for a turn, explain what they want, and listen to others, they have more tools for solving disagreements without grabbing or pushing.
Fairness builds social understanding
Taking turns helps children begin to understand that everyone deserves opportunities to participate and that group activities often require cooperation.
These abilities develop gradually. Children need patient adults who can model the skills, provide clear expectations, and help them practice in everyday situations.
2. Why Do Young Children Struggle With Sharing?
Before teaching sharing, it helps to understand why children may find it challenging.
Young children are still developing impulse control, emotional regulation, and the ability to consider another person's point of view. A preschooler may understand the instruction "share with your friend" but still struggle to give up a toy they are enjoying.
Common reasons children may resist sharing include:
Strong attachment to favorite toys: A familiar toy may provide comfort, enjoyment, or a sense of security.
Difficulty waiting: Young children may find it hard to understand how long a turn will last.
Limited communication skills: A child may grab a toy because they do not yet know how to ask for it.
Fear of losing access: Some children worry that if they give up a toy, they will not get it back.
Emotional frustration: Waiting or being told "not yet" can create feelings that children are still learning to manage.
These behaviors do not automatically mean a child is selfish or unkind. They often reflect skills that are still developing.
Instead of labeling a child as unwilling to share, adults can focus on teaching the next step.
For example, if a child grabs a truck from a classmate, a teacher might say, "You want the truck, but your friend is using it. Let's ask when you can have a turn."
This response establishes a boundary while giving the child a practical way to communicate their needs.
3. Teach Sharing Through Everyday Examples
Children learn many social skills by watching the adults around them. Parents and teachers can demonstrate sharing through simple actions throughout the day.
For example, adults can:
Share art materials during a craft activity.
Offer someone a portion of a snack when appropriate.
Take turns choosing a family game.
Let children see adults share responsibilities.
Explain how cooperation helps everyone complete a task.
You can also describe the behavior as it happens.
For example, say, "I'm sharing these crayons with you so we can both draw," or "You chose the first story, and now it's your sister's turn to choose."
These explanations help children connect the action with the idea behind it.
Adults should also recognize that sharing does not mean children must give up every possession immediately. Children can learn to share common materials and take turns while still developing healthy boundaries around personal belongings.
The goal is to teach generosity and cooperation while respecting children's needs and helping them understand the needs of others.
4. Make Taking Turns Easier With Clear Expectations
Waiting becomes easier when children understand what to expect. Telling a child to "wait your turn" may not be enough if they do not know when their turn will happen.
Parents and teachers can make turn-taking more concrete through visual cues and simple routines.
Try these strategies:
Use a timer: Set a short, age-appropriate amount of time for a turn.
Create a turn-taking routine: Explain who goes first, second, and next.
Use a visual cue: A special object can show whose turn it is.
Offer another activity: Help children choose something to do while they wait.
Give clear reminders: Say, "First Maya's turn, then your turn."
For example, if two preschoolers want to use the same toy kitchen, a teacher might say, "Let's use the timer. When it rings, we'll check whether your friend is finished and help you have a turn."
A timer should be a helpful guide, not a promise that a child must immediately surrender something in the middle of a meaningful activity. Adults can help children finish a short play sequence when appropriate and then transition fairly.
For younger children, start with brief waiting periods. As they gain experience, they may gradually become more comfortable waiting longer.
5. Use Play-Based Activities to Practice Sharing
Play provides natural opportunities for children to practice cooperation, communication, and turn-taking. Rather than relying only on verbal reminders, parents and teachers can choose activities that make these skills part of the fun.
Here are five simple activities to try at home or in the classroom.
1. Build a Tower Together
Give children a set of blocks and invite them to add one block at a time. Encourage each child to wait, watch, and contribute to the shared creation.
2. Play Simple Board Games
Choose age-appropriate games where players take turns moving pieces, rolling a die, or matching cards. Help children practice waiting and responding when someone else gets a turn.
3. Roll the Ball
Sit in a circle and roll a ball from one child to another. Encourage children to wait for the ball, call a friend's name, and send it gently to the next person.
4. Create a Group Art Project
Provide shared crayons, paper, and collage materials. Invite children to contribute to one large artwork while practicing asking for materials and returning them when finished.
5. Play Pretend Together
Set up a pretend grocery store, restaurant, or doctor's office. Children can take turns being the customer, cashier, cook, or helper while learning to cooperate and communicate.
Keep activities short, playful, and appropriate for children's ages. The purpose is to practice social skills, not to see which child can wait the longest or share the most.
6. Teach Children the Words They Need
Sometimes children struggle with sharing because they do not know what to say. Teaching simple phrases gives them alternatives to grabbing, shouting, or becoming frustrated.
Practice these expressions during calm moments:
"Can I have a turn when you're finished?"
"May I play with that, please?"
"Would you like to build with me?"
"I'm still using this."
"You can have a turn next."
"Can we use it together?"
"Can you help us figure it out?"
Role-playing can make these phrases easier to remember. Parents and teachers can use puppets, dolls, or pretend scenarios to demonstrate how to ask for a turn and respond when someone says "not yet."
For example, a teacher might use two puppets that both want the same toy. Ask children to suggest what the puppets could say or do.
When children use respectful words in real situations, acknowledge their effort.
"You asked your friend for a turn instead of taking the toy. That was a helpful choice."
With repeated practice, children can gradually become more confident expressing their needs and responding to others.
7. Help Children Manage Frustration While Waiting
Even when children understand turn-taking, waiting can still be difficult. A child may become upset when a favorite toy is unavailable or when another child gets to go first.
These moments provide opportunities to develop patience and emotional regulation.
Parents and teachers can help by:
Acknowledging the child's feelings.
Reminding the child of the turn-taking plan.
Offering a suitable alternative activity.
Practicing slow breathing together.
Helping the child use words to express disappointment.
For example, you might say, "You really want to use the red truck. I understand that waiting is hard. Your friend is still using it, and we'll help you have a turn when they're finished."
Avoid telling children that they are bad or selfish for feeling upset. Feelings are normal, even when a child must wait.
At the same time, maintain clear limits around unsafe behavior. If a child hits or grabs, calmly stop the action and guide them toward a safer response.
Children need to learn both that their feelings matter and that other people deserve to be treated respectfully.
8. Encourage Cooperation Instead of Competition
Not every activity needs to be about who gets the first turn or who finishes fastest. Children also benefit from experiences where they work toward a shared goal.
Cooperative activities help children recognize that everyone can contribute something valuable.
Try activities such as:
Building a pretend city together.
Completing a large floor puzzle as a group.
Cleaning up toys as a team.
Planting and watering classroom plants.
Creating a class mural.
Preparing materials for a group activity.
During these activities, point out how the children are helping one another.
"You held the paper while your friend added the stickers. You worked together to finish the picture."
These experiences teach children that cooperation is about more than waiting for access to a toy. It is also about listening, contributing, making room for others, and celebrating shared accomplishments.
9. Recognize Progress and Celebrate Positive Choices
Children benefit from specific encouragement when they demonstrate sharing and turn-taking skills. Positive feedback helps them recognize the behaviors they are learning.
Instead of simply saying "Good job," describe what the child did.
For example:
"You waited while your friend finished their turn."
"You offered your crayons so everyone could join the activity."
"You asked politely instead of grabbing."
"You helped your friend build the tower."
"You were disappointed, but you used your words to explain how you felt."
Encourage effort, not perfection. A child may wait successfully one day and struggle the next. That does not erase the progress they have made.
Avoid comparing children or turning sharing into a competition. Some children may need more time or additional support, and each child deserves encouragement as they develop these skills.
The goal is to help children learn how to cooperate because they understand its value—not simply because they want a reward.
10. What Parents Should Avoid When Teaching Sharing
Teaching sharing is important, but the way adults approach it can affect how children understand fairness, boundaries, and cooperation.
Here are a few helpful reminders.
Avoid forcing children to surrender every toy immediately
Children can learn to share common materials and take turns without being expected to give up an item they are actively using the moment someone asks.
Avoid labeling children as selfish
A child who struggles to share is still learning. Focus on teaching the behavior rather than criticizing the child's character.
Avoid expecting children to wait too long
Young children have limited patience. Start with short, manageable turns and provide guidance as needed.
Avoid ignoring unsafe behavior
If a child grabs, hits, or pushes, stop the behavior and explain the boundary calmly. Children need to learn that frustration does not make hurting others acceptable.
Avoid assuming every disagreement is a problem
Some disagreements are normal opportunities to practice communication and problem-solving. Adults can guide children without immediately solving every small conflict for them.
Most importantly, remember that sharing and turn-taking are skills developed over time. Repetition, patience, and realistic expectations make a meaningful difference.
How Tomlin Academy Helps Children Learn to Share and Take Turns
At Tomlin Academy Early Childhood Center, we believe early childhood education should nurture both academic learning and the social skills children need to thrive.
Through guided play, classroom routines, group activities, and caring teacher interactions, children have opportunities to practice sharing, taking turns, communicating respectfully, and working together.
Our teachers understand that young children develop these skills at different rates. We provide age-appropriate guidance and encouragement to help children learn how to manage frustration, respect others, and participate in classroom activities.
We also recognize the importance of helping children develop independence and confidence. Rather than expecting children to know every social skill immediately, we give them opportunities to practice, make mistakes, and try again with support.
Tomlin Academy welcomes children ages 6 weeks to 12 years, providing care and learning experiences for infants, toddlers, preschoolers, and school-age children.
If you are looking for childcare in Kansas City, MO, that values your child's academic, social, and emotional development, we invite you to learn more about our programs.
Conclusion: Small Lessons in Sharing Build Lifelong Skills
Teaching young children to share and take turns is about much more than preventing arguments over toys. It helps children learn patience, communication, cooperation, empathy, and respect for others.
These skills take time to develop. Children will sometimes struggle to wait, become frustrated, or need reminders about how to ask for a turn. With consistent guidance and plenty of opportunities to practice, they can gradually become more comfortable cooperating with others.
Parents and teachers can make a meaningful difference by modeling sharing, establishing clear expectations, using play-based activities, and recognizing progress along the way.
Every time a child waits for a turn, offers a toy, listens to a friend, or works with a classmate, they are practicing skills that support healthy relationships.
At Tomlin Academy, we believe little lessons in kindness and cooperation help children build a strong foundation for a brighter future. ❤️💙💛
Give Your Child a Caring Place to Learn and Grow
Looking for quality early childhood education in Kansas City? Tomlin Academy Early Childhood Center is here to support your child's learning, social development, and growing independence.
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Ages: 6 weeks to 12 years
Address: 9700 Holmes Rd., Kansas City, MO 64131
Phone: 816-785-7878
Website: www.tomlinacademy.net
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